Most people struggle with their confidence in one way or another. You may be confident at work but worry about what you look like. You may be body confident but social situations trouble you. You may be confident mixing with people but imposter syndrome holds you back. So what can we do to improve our confidence and live a life more free of doubt?

Anxiety and fear impact on our confidence

When we are feeling stressed or anxious our confidence often takes a hit. Big life changes like bereavements, ill health, moving home, having a baby or changing career are well documented as increasing stress levels. The world has faced an unprecedented crisis with the coronavirus pandemic this year. However there are huge numbers of smaller, every day occurrences that can raise our stress levels. These include personality clashes at work, financial worries, arguments with family members, and never ending ‘to do’ lists. Many of us face huge levels of stress on a daily basis. When you are already struggling with life it is not surprising that sometimes a small incident like dropping a box of eggs on the floor or a sharp word by some stranger over a parking space can feel like the straw that broke the camel's back. Our confidence shrinks, we berate ourselves for not being able to handle things and we can feel helpless and out of control.

When we are thinking this way our brain steps in to try to help us. The brain recognises when we're under stress and reacts to keep us safe by activating our 'flight or fight' centre. This is an important part of protecting us from outside threats but when we're stressed we spend more time in this part of our brain and the world seems more dangerous and we look at everything more negatively. We begin to look at ourselves more critically and doubt our ability to do things. Often this spills over into coping habits and symptoms such as comfort eating, nail biting and poor sleep.

Changing our mindset

Think of a time when you felt more confident and good about yourself. Shut your eyes and take a moment to really see yourself at that time. Even though your circumstances may have changed now, those feelings are still accessible. You may just need some extra help to find them.

Giving your brain a positive message

Remember your brain is programmed to keep you safe. Giving you a negative message is a good way of doing this to avoid future dangers. Negative thoughts aren’t necessarily a sign of your weaknesses, they are just a natural human response. Try to avoid judging yourself too harshly for critical thoughts. Remember they are just thoughts passing through your mind. Thoughts are not necessarily a true reflection of reality. It can be useful to ask yourself what a good friend would be saying to you about the same situation; would they be judging you as harshly as you do yourself?

It sounds trite to focus on the positives but it is actually very important. Your brain doesn't know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. If you focus on your perceived weaknesses and flaws then that is what your brain will pick up on. If you focus on what you like about yourself, what you have achieved and the times when you felt confident, your brain will pick up on this. At first this isn't at all easy, but with practice you will build new neural pathways and your confidence will be easier to access. A good way to do this is to write your thoughts down. Spending some time reflecting on past successes and achievements, no matter how small, will give you a taste of those feelings again.

You can train yourself to become more confident in the same way that you can train yourself to learn a new skill. Practice is important. One of the most exciting findings in neuroscience has been around neuroplasticity and the realisation that people can change the way their brains work (and even look) throughout their lives. So you are never too old to become more confident and more positive.

Much has been written about the advantages of having a ‘growth mindset’ in childhood and beyond. This means recognising that your abilities and capabilities are not set in stone. Through practice and repetition you can become better at anything. People with a fixed mindset may think when they make a mistake ‘no wonder I got that wrong, it’s what I always do, I was always bad at it.’ On the other hand people with a growth mindset think ‘I made a mistake this time but I know where I went wrong now and that won’t happen again. I need to practice more.’ Thinking this way naturally increases your confidence.

Routes to confidence

When you need some extra confidence in your life it's really worth looking at reconnecting with yourself; what you enjoy and what makes you light up. These are the activities and pastimes we often lose when we're feeling stressed, and include things such as reading, listening to or playing music, exercise and creative hobbies. When you build time in your life for this you relax and you get more in touch with your authentic, positive inner voice; the real you.

Taking some time to calm your mind and focus on the here and now can also help you get in touch with your more confident self. Mindfulness, meditation or hypnosis can support you in doing this.

What would happen in a hypnotherapy session for confidence building?

In an initial consultation we discuss what has brought you to hypnotherapy. Confidence can affect many different aspects of our lives so you can explain what your experience is and how this is impacting on you.

Full hypnotherapy sessions can help improve your confidence, ability to cope and optimism around the future. In the talking part of the therapy I help you to consider what you want to achieve and small steps you could take to this goal. The hypnotherapy part of the session gives you a valuable time to relax and your brain a chance to work on what has been discussed, while you listen to my positive words designed to increase your confidence.

How can hypnotherapy help build confidence?

• By reducing your stress levels. The less stressed you are the better you will feel, and the more confident and resilient you can become.

• By helping you build new positive neural pathways. Instead of focusing on the negatives, hypnotherapy helps you focus on the positives you already have so that you can find that supportive inner voice more easily.

• By helping you work out what you want to achieve and what small steps you can take to get there. Working towards goals helps you feel more positive and more confident about yourself and your abilities.

• By looking at particular situations that cause you stress and reframing them to give you positive mental images to increase confidence. This may be around public speaking, an exam or a work or social situation. A reframe is a personalised script I write using all the details you give me so that during trance you see yourself in that situation coping well.

Online hypnotherapy for clients for confidence building and self esteem

Although I am now seeing clients face to face from Hayfield I continue to offer online sessions. I have found this a very successful way of working. Clients are able to relax in their home environment which helps them feel safe and comfortable for the therapy work.

Hypnosis works well over Zoom and is safe. (For more information about how hypnotherapy works online please click here.)

Please get in touch to make an appointment.

Further reading:

‘You are Awesome’ by Matthew Syed is a brilliant guide to improving confidence in children

‘Mindset- the New Psychology of Success’ by Carol Dweck