Taming the Inner Critic

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We all have an inner voice which provides a soundtrack to our actions, interactions and lives in general.  This is entirely natural.  It is our brain’s way of making sense of the world, of keeping us safe and planning the future.  Problems can arise when “cyclical negative thoughts and emotions turn our capacity for introspection into a curse rather than a blessing,” as eloquently described by Ethan Kross in his book ‘Chatter.’

A negative voice

How often does your inner dialogue criticise you for your actions or lack of action?  We return to similar patterns of thought day after day, simply because they are more entrenched in our brains.  The more we think a certain thought the easier it is to return to it in the future, much like a well trampled path.  Many of these thoughts are unhelpful and can lead to a downward spiral of negativity and low self esteem.  These thoughts include ‘why do I always do that?  I’m so stupid,’ ‘I couldn’t get a job like that,’ ‘I’ll never lose weight,’ or ‘that always happens, it’s no more than I deserve.’

This voice has a huge impact on our mood and experience of the world as well as our future successes.  Kross cites a 2010 study where the inner thoughts of participants were a better predictor of happiness than what they were actually doing. 

Techniques to help

It is crucial to understand that your inner voice is doing an important job.  Our primary goal is one of survival.  Everything else you may want to achieve in life is secondary to this.  Your inner voice may see threats as more life threatening than they really are for many different reasons.  However the good news is that you can learn to harness this voice as a force for good.  After all it doesn’t have to be your inner critic; over time you can develop an inner cheerleader.

First of all acknowledge that that inner voice is fulfilling a useful function.  The hypnotherapist Chloe Brotheridge suggests naming your inner critic and having a conversation with him/her explaining that you understand they want to keep you safe but that is not always necessary.  In other words using self compassion to show kindness and understanding to yourself. 

Kross highlights the importance of distancing yourself from the problems that you face.  There are several ways of achieving this.  Simply imagining what you would say to a friend facing the situation you are in can be very helpful.  Another technique is to talk to yourself in a more distant way by using your name in your head when talking to yourself.  Reminding yourself of how you have coped with similar circumstances in the past and how it will fit in to your life as a whole can also help.  Will this be something you are still thinking about in a year’s time? 

Writing or journaling about your thoughts can be hugely helpful.  After all everything (good and bad) seems less significant when it is written down. 

Rituals can also help calm the mind in times of stress.  Kross points to the example of the tennis player Rafael Nadal who carries out the same rituals before all his matches.  This helps calm and focus his mind to stop him thinking about the match.  He is turning his attention elsewhere. 

Feeling more in control of your environment has also been found to have a positive effect on the mind.  This could involve tidying or ordering your thoughts with a to do list.  Experiencing nature or green spaces has a calming effect on the mind; as many people also find exercise is useful in controlling chatter, taking a walk in the local park or countryside can have a double benefit. 

How hypnotherapy can help you tame the inner critic

A huge part of my role as a hypnotherapist is around helping people recognise that just because they think something it isn’t necessarily true, and that their inner dialogue can have a more positive tone.  I challenge negative thinking in the first part of our sessions where the client and I discuss how they would like their life to look if they were feeling happier (or whatever goal they are working towards.)  We then break this down to find small steps towards this goal. 

It may be surprising to know that talking about a problem or negative experiences is not always helpful.  In fact studies have found that this can often increase our chatter as we relive negative experiences and thoughts.  This is why I work in a solution focused way to look forward rather than getting involved in past thought patterns.

I tailor the hypnotherapy part of the session around the client’s individual needs.  When a client experiences trance this is always helpful in calming down the inner critic but during trance I can also focus on the issues that may be most pertinent to their situation (such as increasing confidence.)  If a situation such as an exam, driving test or going to the dentist is sending their inner voice into a tailspin it is helpful to do a reframe where I deliver a personalised script of a positive experience of the event.  The brain is able to take this in as an experience that has already happened which has a powerful impact and helps calm down that inner voice in a significant way. 

I encourage clients to listen repeatedly to my audio track at home. This allows the positive messages to be absorbed most effectively, helping over time to challenge and change a negative inner dialogue. 

Conclusion

Recognising the importance of your inner voice is the first step in changing things.  That inner voice is with you for life so choosing how you want it to be and working towards this can be the springboard to a happier, more successful life.  If you would like some help with this please get in touch.

 

Further reading

I highly recommend Ethan Kross’s  ‘Chatter- the voice in our head and how to harness it.’  Professor Kross is a neuroscientist and psychologist who covers the topic very clearly but also practically, listing many ways to help deal with chatter.

The confidence solution’ Chloe Brotheridge

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